Plan C-Section

Eight weeks ago we welcomed our baby girl into the world… really? How could it be eight weeks already? The nights are long but the days are short. Time most certainly is flying and those little newborn clothes that once were swimming on that tiny little 7lbs 14 oz baby are fitting snug on our growing little girl… I already wish life would slow down and that I could freeze time. I know these precious moments are fleeting and I am trying my best to soak up every minute of this utopia, where all my attention can go to my sweet girl- every baby snuggle, even every late night feeding- because I know it won’t be like this for long.

Wanting to be “in the moment” is partially why I have not taken time to write….well that combined with the sheer exhaustion of taking care of a newborn, an extra stay at the hospital, holidays, the whole family catching and passing around the stomach bug that was so eloquently dubbed the “butt plague,” myself getting a case of mastitis etc. etc., has made me one tired new momma. Lets say, I haven’t had trouble taking to the wise parenting philosophy, “nap when the baby naps.” However, since this blog started with the news of our Plan C, It seemed odd not to share the story of her arrival. So here it is, for your reading pleasure…

On{black}Friday, November 24^th,, bellies still full from a great Thanksgiving the day before, Jonathan and I woke up to a bright, crisp fall day in Pittsburgh. The long awaited day had arrived. We were headed to West Penn hospital to meet the one who was about to change our lives forever. This was a week before her anticipated due date, but it actually was no surprise. At my 38 week doctor visit, it was realized that baby girl was hanging out in the breech position-meaning head up, legs down, which I guess is a “no no” for giving birth-and was looking like she wasn’t going to budge, even with a version (which I actually thought was called an aversion until I just looked it up now…learn something new), where they try flipping the baby manually. The doctors informed me it was in my best interest for them to “take” the baby no later than 39 weeks and not wait around for my due date-NOV 30^th.  It was GO TIME! They wanted to schedule me for a c-section in the next few days. J and I were taken by surprise (for about the millionth time this year). I was actually told at my 36 week check up that baby girl was head down, so she either is a little gymnast and did a last minute flip or the doctors initially got it wrong, anyway, it didn’t really matter, she was coming now, ready or not!

 

The good news, I had been mentally preparing myself for a c-section this entire pregnancy. Both my mom and sister shared the same fate. However, they both endured 36+ hours of intense labor that ended up in emergency c-sections, so I did get lucky and was spared from that family tradition. It felt weird for something as spontaneous as labor and delivery to be so planned. However, scheduling the birth of our baby was actually sort of nice. We didn’t have to be at the hospital until 9am on c-section day so I was able to leisurely wake up, take a shower, do my hair to look somewhat presentable walking into the hospital. I was pretty naïve to think my fresh face would last. My sisters always joked with me and said I was going to have a “GlAM” team in the delivery room… ya that wasn’t the case. I tried a little, I really did. I curled my hair, I was make up-free with the exception of lipstick, of course!💁🏻‍♀️💄Still by the time I came into recovery, all the lipstick in the world could not have helped… Hello preggo swollen face and crazy hair! And in that moment, and a lot a moments since, the amount of F’s given were about 0… hmm, guess I’ll blame it on the drugs…..

 

Speaking of the drugs, obviously, undergoing an intense surgery, I was heavily medicated. Going into it, I thought it would just effect me physically and didn’t actually realize cognitively how loopy I would get. Maybe it was the adrenaline or maybe the drugs but now looking back on everything, my memory is foggy at best. So this recap isn’t as detailed I would like. I was given a “spinal” before surgery, which was glorious and totally not as scary as I thought. I could not feel a THING! I still remember the anesthesia Doc laughing at me when she asked me to try to push my legs up…not happenin’ bro! I couldn’t feel anything but did sort of feel them wriggling the baby out, which was a super weird sensation. J said I was talking to him and all of sudden he just saw my head moving back and forth like a rag doll as they were tugging  the baby out-crazy! All and all I could have not asked for a smoother surgery, everything was super routine. We went in to the OR at 11am and boom, boom bang, we had a baby before 11:26am.

Meeting Our Baby

At 11:26am- Although, Jon swears it was 11: 24 on 11/24, which would have been cooler, I must admit- Henley Marigold entered this world with a loving yell. As she was lifted over the curtain, I saw that little squishy face for the very first time and I honestly think I was in shock. I didn’t cry. I wasn’t overcome by emotion, that did come, but not right then. In that moment, I couldn’t quite comprehend this amazing gift I had just received. I was simply in awe that this was our baby and she was here. As we went into recovery I couldn’t take my eyes off of this beautiful baby… could she really be mine? She definitely looked like Jon’s little mini! Did we really create this sweet little person. Wow, I am someone’s mom…” such a surreal feeling that hasn’t yet even worn off these past 2 months. Here is this little sweet face on Day 1 of her life with the world  ahead of her. What in the world did I do to deserve such a love?

“When I’m in the sweet daughter’s eyes
My heart is now ruined for the rest of all time…”

Someone sort of crudely, although, I don’t think they meant it offensively, said to me…. “Can you believe there was a time you didn’t want her and prayed her away?” Although the question was sort of harsh, it made me think just how amazing God’s plan really is. Something that initially I thought would “ruin” my life, my dreams and my plans has completely given me a new, fuller beyond belief, amazing purpose. Thinking of it, she was not an unanswered prayer, she was the prayer I didn’t know I needed to pray that God blessed me with anyhow. Of course, I still have my worries and doubts those didn’t magically go away. Our obstacles are not yet in the rearview mirror but there is one thing I can say with certainty, all the proof in God I need is in my sweet Henley, my gift from the heavens and I am so privileged to be her momma.

Mistake 

Burden

Inconvience 

Accident

Punishment

MIRACLE 

\

Coombs Baby

I will say, my “momma insticts” didn’t just appear. I wasn’t one of those moms who felt this instinctual bond, weeping for joy in the delivery room- if you watched the video, I  think I called her “crusty”… probably not the best  “mom” reaction.🙈   I think I truly was  astonished. I had 9 months to prepare myself for this very moment but that didn’t really matter. Maybe it was because I had scheduled c-section and the build up of labor wasn’t there. To tell you the truth, I am not really sure why…. Not that I didn’t instantly love her, I did,  but it wasn’t “like the movies” as they say. I didn’t truly get the glimpse of how deep a mothers’ heart can love until a few days of having the title “Henley’s Mom.” Shortly after Henley was born-I think it was night 2 but honestly, there goes my loopiness again, I really can’t quite remember… thank you pain pills-  we were told that Henley was something called “Coombs Positive” and was having an ABO incompatibility complications. It took us a few days to really understand what being a “coombs baby” really meant. Simply explained, this meant that my blood type ( O+) and Henley’s Blood type (A) were not compatible and some of our blood mixed either in the womb or at birth causing my antibodies to get into her blood. These Antibodies were attacking or breaking Henley’s red blood cells causing something hyperbilirubinemia .  Bilirubin—it’s a substance that comes from the breakup of hemoglobin in dead red blood cells (  I had to google this ALOT!). And when you have too much bilirubin in your body you become jaundice. A lot of babies are born with Jaundice but the concern with a coombs baby is the antibodies keep attacking so it’s hard to control and the levels can get dangerously high. Before this, I didn’t realize that being Jaundince was really all that  dangerous. I thought it just made babies look a llittle yellow. Actually I thought Henelys coloring looked great at first … It though! Yay she has her dads dark complextion and was born with a  little tan😎… I was wrong. The worry  comes with a coombs baby because the blood brain barrier on infants  is very thin and when the bilrubin levels keep elevating it can cause permanent hearing loss, brain damage, developmental issues and in very severe cases death.

During our initial hostpital stay the docs and nurses didn’t seem too alarmed and seemed to be confident they would get Henley’s levels under control. The nurses said they needed to take her into the nursery for a while so she could stay under the “lights” and receive phototherapy and that we needed to feed her a lot-every 2 hours or less. The Jaundice was making Henley super sleepy so we had to wake her up to feed and strip her down to her diaper during the feeding so she would stay awake. The goal was 1.) make sure she stayed hydrated and 2.) to get her to poop, and poop a lot to excrete out the excess billirubin.💩💩💩 Since I was breastfeeding, the docs/nurses needed to know how much she was getting so I had to pump after every feeding and feed her an additional 2 oz of pumped milk… Talk about team no sleep.

Our schedule went…..

• Feed…. which took at least a half hour as I was learning to breastfeed
• Put her right back into her isolette under the lights
• pump… I now know how barn yard animals feel 🐄
•  Then we had about 30ish minutes “break” until the next feeding to do it all over again.

We weren’t sure if we were going to have to extend our stay in the hospital but by the day we were scheduled to go home, the doctors felt that her levels were at a safe range to take her home. We just needed to get her checked the next day at the Pediatrician.

And this when I first felt my mommy instincts come to life. We came home from the hospital and by the very next morning Henley was back to looking like a little Pumpkin (there may or may not have been some Trump jokes thrown her way). We took her to see the Pediatrician early in the a.m.  to get checked. It was not the same Pediatrician who we had in the hospital so we had some paperwork to give her but basically had to explain Henley’s situation. I didn’t feel like she was understanding the questions Jon and I were asking her and it was in her opinion that she didn’t feel the need to run her blood work until the following week to check her levels. As we packed up to leave the doctor’s office, I looked at my sweet little baby and her yellow eyes and tears began to well up in mine. I knew something wasn’t right and had this overwhelming feeling that I just needed to protect her. We left the office and I was on the hunt to find a second opinion. I am thankful to have great friends and family in the medical community that assured me I was doing the right thing. I think J may have thought  I was being  slightly dramatic during my mini breakdown- Hey there Hormones!  We ended up seeing a long time family friend pediatrician who took one look at Henley and knew that her condition shouldn’t wait. She sent us to get Henley’s blood tested to evaluate her levels. A few hours later we  had the results and were back in hospital because her levels had elevated significantly to 22, the highest they had been in her short 6 days of life..

As we were admitted to the hospital, the emotions came flooding. I was exhausted from the lack of sleep, scared and feeling pretty helpless. I had this overwhelming feeling of wanting to keep Henley safe and healthy. There it was-that feeling, I had only heard mom’s talk about before.  The first time, I felt my purpose…to love and protect her with everything I have. I myself was still in recovery. I was only a few days post surgery and still in a lot of pain, managing  sleeping on the hospital couch and trying to navigate nursing Henely in and out of the isolette.  All I could really do was feed her and pray. She had to stay in her little “tanning bed” so we couldn’t even hold her. J was such a trooper through it all. He only had a chair to sleep on but he never left our side. I am so grateful for that man and I do not know what I would have done without him…. Anyways, after 3 long days and nights in the hospital, long story short, Henely levels came down and had no sign of any cognitive damage…. Praise the lord!

My heart is so thankful all it turned out to be was a few extra sleepless nights at the hospital and  has been  healthy and fine ever since 🙏🏻This experience has given me a deeper meaning to the title “mom” and gave my heart even more empathy for all those other mamas and daddies out there who’s little ones are in the hospital in far much worse positions. It is a crazy, scary feeling and It makes me feel incredibly blessed to have a healthy baby girl. How truly lucky am I- each day is a blessing. I have a feeling this won’t be the last time Henley has me feeling helpless when I just want to protect and love her. In the past 2 months, J now has used the “Watch out Mamma Bear is coming out” phrase a time or two-meh hormones 🤷🏻‍♀️

 

Henley Marigold

I may be biased but honestly Henley is such a sweet baby. She has been so good to us and so far has such a chill temperament. Her little personality is already starting to poke through when shows us her pretty little smile. Little girl also already can throw some serious shade and has mastered the RBF, for sure.  I can’t wait to see who she will become and it is so cool to think J and I will play such a big part of molding her into that person. We honestly did not have our name finalized for her until the delivery room. Jon was set on Henley but I wanted to see her first to see her personality and little face before we pulled the trigger on something so important as her name… I mean she has to live with it the rest of her life… talk about pressure! I am honestly not sure were we came up with Henley but it was pretty much the only name we both really agreed on together and we thought the  H squared aspect of it had a nice sound. Since  the name Henley sort of came out of the blue, we wanted her middle name to carry some meaning. Mary actually happens to be the name of both my grandma’s  and J’s grandma name was also Mary…so it was sort of a no brainer that we wanted to pass the Mary legacy onto our little girl. The downside, we didn’t love the way Henley Mary Henrici sounded- a little too vowel-y. And then somehow Marigold came to mind- maybe subliminally because I realized that is the name of my hand soap. Who knows??

My sisters actually hated Marigold so I was hesitant to use it but I really did like the meaning behind it. Marigold is actually rich in symbolism to The Virigin Mary too. “The gold petals are likened to rays of light crowning her head, and the prodigal color is related to the generous giving of herself to God’s plan”. Also, the legend of “Mary’s Gold”  is said that during Mary, Joseph and Jesus’ flight to Egypt they were accosted by robbers. When they opened Mary’s purse looking for gold the buds of marigolds fell to the out instead. ….Anywyas I thought that was pretty cool story. And While I am obviously no virgin Mary- DUH 🤷🏻‍♀️- her life is something  I looked to for inspiration during this pregnancy and trusting in God’s plan. A sweet family member brought it to my attention while I was pregnant that Mary went through an unplanned pregnancy ( although under different circumstances) too. She was scared and terrified but she fully trusted in God that he was FOR her and everything will work out for the good. Her faith in God is an amazing example that I kept in the back of mind when the road ahead  seemed so daunting.

Also … little side bonus… I am huge Downton Abbey fan and Marigold is Lady Edith’s daughter that she had out of wedlock so, you know, fitting. Something  else really cool is that Henley’s Birthstone is citrine/taupe  similar to the color of a Marigold… I just realized that one! 🌼🌼🌼🌼

Anyways, that is the story of how we came to name our sweet baby, Henley Marigold… It’s hard to think back on the terrified girl I was just 10 short months ago when I look into Henley’s beautiful face. The day she was born, my life stopped being all about myself and although that was my fear going into Plan C, it strangely is the most beautiful part about the whole thing. I was definitely afraid of losing myself and the truth is I am not the same person, I never will be.  The old me is still there but something inside has changed. She now is my life-long purpose and has made me something new… but where there is sacrifice, and oh, there is sacrifice ( my old carefree life, sleep, time, money, my body -aww,  how I miss crop tops and not feeling like the Pillsbury doughboy),  love completely over shines and all of that other stuff fades in the background. I still have my moments of selfishness and personal desires….shoo,  I still wish I could be traveling to Napa for my 30th birthday next month like I thought I would do pre-baby. Becoming a mom didn’t erase all of that, nor should it completely, I guess, but when I look at Henley all my own wants seem a little smaller because she has given me a love like no other and I want to give her the world. I know that being her Momma is the BEST thing I ever get the privilege to be!

Cheers to 2 months with our little Plan C,  sweet Henely Marigold, the ray of gold making our world brighter than we could’ve ever imagined….

xoxo Heather